My Life With Anxiety!

This is a very personal story of mine. I've suffered for lack of a better word with some form of anxiety for 20+ years. In fact, now that I know what anxiety is I can date my first anxiety/panic attack way back to the summer of 1985. Nowadays, there are self help groups, books and CDs to help people with nervous illness aka anxiety/panic attacks. When I had my first attack in 1985 I'd never thought of anxiety as a potential problem. I was very healthy, active and I had a good job! At that time very little was written about anxiety in my world of health clubs.

When my anxiety really took hold of me in 1992 I was lucky enough to have a multiple sclerosis counselor who knew of an Australian doctor by the name of Dr. Claire Weekes. Dr. Weekes had written some books on anxiety/panic attacks which were very helpful to me. I had told my MS counselor about some nervous problems I'd been having and she suggested reading Dr. Weekes' books. In Dr. Weekes' books she helped to explain how to face and overcome panic attacks. I eventually read four of Dr. Weeke's paperback books and I still have them around somewhere for occasional reading. But back in '92 I'd even carry a book or two with me and read them when I had an anxious moment. To be honest I felt like a real nutcase! lol Nowadays, I can laugh thinking back to my really anxious days. Now in 2008 I still have an anxious moment or two once in a while but I know what it is now and how to control it.

Back in 1985 I was the general manager of two health clubs. I was only 26 years old. I thought I had the world by the tail. I loved the health club business and eventually I wanted to own a club of my own someday! One hot July day in '85 I was climbing up to the roof of the club I managed. I had to change the filters on the air conditioner units. I'm mechanically inept but I tried to do some of the light maintenance at the clubs to save money and changing filters was easy to do. At this particular club I could get on top of the roof by climbing a ladder inside the building. It was very safe and the roof was so huge and flat that I felt very safe when I was up there! On this particular day something happened to me that took me by surprise!

I was climbing the ladder to get to the roof of the club so I could change the filters when something strange happened. This had never happened to me before that I recall! About halfway up the ladder my heart started racing and I broke out in a cold sweat. My legs became weak and I didn't think it was such a good idea to be on a roof so I climbed back down the ladder! I went into my office and sat down. I was shaking, my heart was racing, I was sweating profusely and I was a little lightheaded. I remember taking some deep breaths trying to slow down my heart. It felt like a runaway train in my chest. At this time in my life I was in great physical shape. My heartbeat was usually about 50 beats or less per minute. I felt strange! Could I be having a heart attack? I didn't think so but I'd read about weird heart attack cases before so I thought anything was possible. I was so young and healthy that it didn't make any sense.

I'd never felt this type of thing before. After about 30 minutes of sitting in my chair my heart stopped racing and my cold sweat and light headedness subsided. My mind was wondering what the heck was wrong with me. I remember taking it easy the rest of the day. All I did was some office work and helped customers at the front desk. I had no problems the rest of the day but the next morning I scheduled some tests at the Mayo Clinic in my hometown of Rochester, Minnesota. My hometown was only 90 miles away and it would also give me a chance to see my parents. I went through many tests at the clinic and I had to wear a heart monitor overnight because the doctor wanted to see what my heart was doing. I stayed overnight in Rochester.

I had health insurance at the time. The entire bill was $1,800 which in 1985 seemed like alot of money for a healthy guy to spend on what was basically a physical. I was responsible for 20% or $360. I had the money in savings to pay for that easily and it was good to get a good physical out of the way. I had a nice visit with my parents after my tests and the next morning I dropped off my heart monitor. I then drove the 90 miles back to where I lived and I remember telling myself to relax more and not to take things so seriously. Back then I was always wound up a little too tightly. I didn't even have my tests back yet but I knew that I needed to relax! I was keeping track of the two clubs at the tender age of 26. I was mature but looking back it might have been too much. Oh well, I got my physical done and promised myself to take it easier.

I got the results back a few days later and there was nothing wrong with me? I was in good health and in the doctor's report he said that I might want to take some classes to help with nervousness. I didn't really understand that and I was too cocky to ask simple questions. It was years later that I reread that doctor's report and what he was suggesting made more sense to me. The words anxiety, panic, nervous illness and panic attack were never spoken but I was finally able to figure it out in about 1994. What I'd experienced at the health club in 1985 was an anxiety attack. This was the first one and it wouldn't be the last!

In future articles I'll tell you about some other anxious moments I've had in the past 20 years! To be continued...

Jon Wegner is a 50 year old resident of a small town close to Fargo, ND. He's lived there for four years after being lifelong Minnesotan. Jon has multiple sclerosis and now rides his three wheel electric scooter to get around. Jon's website, e-book, FREE newsletter and articles can be found at http://www.mymsbookandnewsletter.com Sign up for his FREE monthly newsletter there, too. Jon's articles can also be found at http://www.scooterjon3958.com

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